Trousers are the front line of civilisation

Up or down; make up your mind.

Instead of going on ludicrous crusades against smokers, transfats and salt, New York's Mayor Bloomberg's time would be better spent having this sign posted throughout the city.

I'd also recommend authorising the police and civic-minded members of the public to walk up behind, grasp firmly with both hands and yank upwards with sufficient force to put the wedding vegetables out of commission for a week.