Monday 6 December 2010

Foodtubes



It seems that there's almost nothing that chasing the chimera of "carbon emissions" won't justify.  Now that climactic version of three-card Monty is being used in Britain as an excuse to drum up money for a Hugo Gernsback scheme (neatly outlined in Ralph 124c41+) to run pork pies through underground tubes. 

If this sounds familiar, it should.   What is truly mad is that the proponents don't just plan to whiz blancmanges around Croydon, but to span the planet as well with three-course meals rushing beneath the sands of the Sahara.  According to CEO Noel Hodson:
In the long term, we could see an ostrich slaughtered in Cape Town, and delivered to Edinburgh.
Someone should point out to Mr Hodson that ostrich steak didn't prove that popular in Edinburgh the first time 'round.

How they are going to make this economical when it involves running three-foot diameter tubes through already crowded roads, let alone the depths of central Africa,  is left to pure optimism.  Stand by for this one to die at the first planning permission hurdle.

3 comments:

Sergej said...

On the other hand, something like this at the office could make life much more convenient. For instance, when there's a release deadline the day before last week and one's bossman decides to help out by coming over and jumping up and down on one's desk. At five-minute intervals. The situation which, incidentally, prevails at my place of employment at the moment.

I could see a tube small enough to put my mouth around, hanging oh, about yae-high at the cubicle. Push a button and you hear---thunk... thuthunk... thoom thoomthoomthoom thwooOOOP! Mmmm, that's a tasty GeneralTso'schickenwithwhitericehotandsoursoupandafortunecookiepleaseholdtheMSG!

eon said...

Of course, food will have to be engineered to withstand enormous accelerations without damage. While they're at it, they can also teach tomatoes to eject themselves from their container just before impact.

cheers

eon

jayessell said...

Or the 700 lorries and vans could be rechargeable hybrids with the added feature of taking power from the roadway, either a third rail or through induction.