Saving Money

The BBC asks viewers how they would cut government spending and poses the question as if it's as tricky as the Gordian Knot.

Off the top of my head, how's this for starters:

• Eliminate the quango system
• Eliminate benefits for all fit young men without dependents
• Eliminate benefits for all immigrants. In the event of hardship, suggest a change of venue.
  
• Restrict unemployment benefits to nine months maximum
• Restrict disability benefit to only those who are demonstrably unable to work at any available form of employment
• Rethink that whole single motherhood as a career idea
  
• What housing benefit?
  
• Tell the EU to go chase itself
• Stop paying MPs
• Tell Scotland that if it governs itself, it pays for itself
  
• Visit the administration centres of every government ministry and hand out P45s to every other person not in an armed forces or police uniform (including people just passing through the lobby). You may sack someone vital like the tea lady, but that's an acceptable risk.
• Stop paying MPs
  
• Cut all foreign aid that cannot demonstrate a direct benefit to Britain
• If a "jobs" bill must be presented, then do so by increasing defence spending so that the money goes to private British firms who actually produce something that the nation needs and fulfills a core responsibility of government while increasing revenues
• Explain to anyone applying for an art grant that they must prove that they know what the hell they're doing by providing a painting in the style of one of the Great Masters
  
• Stop paying MPs
• Eliminate all programmes that include the words outreach, community, cohesion, solidarity, social justice, gay, lesbian, transgendered, women, racism, equality, green, and global warming
• For every global warming programme eliminated, eliminate three other programmes
• If it can be done by private industries, churches, charities and other private organisations, then the government shouldn't be doing it.
  
• Stop paying MPs
• Strongly remind the NHS that its job is to heal the sick and not expand union payrolls
• While we're at it, rethink the whole idea of the NHS
  
• Cut taxes and eliminate regulation so private businesses can afford to employ more people and make more money so more people can be employed and make more money and the government is actually able to increase revenues.
• Allow the police to concentrate on catching criminals and maintaining public order rather than acting as the paramilitary wing of the Guardian
  
• Stop paying MPs
• Point out to MPs that the passage of any new spending not related to defence or national emergencies will result in their being locked in a phone box with a crazed, club-wielding howler monkey
  
• Build a "B" Ark
• Let people run their own lives and be responsible for their own actions
  
• And finally, stop paying MPs

After that, we can go on to the more difficult bits.