Korean Madonna and a Chinese Spit Take

North Korea's Kim Jong Il is determined to show that he is to Bond villains that Madonna is to motion pictures by declaring that he is going to follow up the failure of his Taepodong-2 missile 32 seconds after its launch by-- wait for it-- firing another missile.

Meanwhile, Beijing owes me a new monitor and keyboard, as the current ones are now drenched with tea after reading that Red China claims it hasn't a bean's worth of influence over their demented Korean counterparts.

"China sends oil, grain and other assistance to North Korea. But aid isn't a weapon if it's not used as a weapon," said Zhang Liangui, a North Korea watcher at China's Central Party School, a training academy for the communist elite. "And China doesn't contemplate using aid as a weapon, so its influence is very poor."

As a boy I spent some time in Hong Kong and I vividly recall being told then and right up until 1997 how Great Britain had no choice but to hand over the Colony to the Communists because all they had to do to bring Hong Kong to its knees was to turn off the water-- which they were quite willing to do. Of course, this pales in comparison to what the Reds did to the Tibetans and even their own people, who they starved to death in the millions.

Now the Communists tell us with a straight face that they'd never, ever do something as wicked as cut off aid to a crazed, paranoid megalomaniac-- even if he not only takes the aid without so much as a thank you, but steals the trains they came in as well.