In Space, No One Can Hear You Enter a Plea

A female American astronaut has been charged with attempted kidnapping, battery and first-degree attempted murder in a bizarre plot to confront her rival in a romantic triangle that involved a high-speed cross-country car trip from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida by said Astronaut, who (I'm not kidding) wore adult nappies so she wouldn't have to stop for potty breaks.

Remember the good old days when a congressional hearing was held because Gus Grissom smuggled a corned beef sandwich aboard Gemini III? No wonder I have this headache.