Phase IV

From Engadget:

Houston being overrun by electronics-killing ants

Great. And my hosting servers are in Dallas. To quote Basil Fawlty: Thank you, God. Thank you so bloody much.

Pâté de Liberté

In a burst of common sense, Chicago made a small bow to liberty and lifted its ban on foie gras.

My compliments to the chef.

Remote Topic

I had one of these sonic remotes once. Not the television; just the remote.
Times were hard.

For those of you with absolutely nothing better to do, we present a history of television remote controls.

Turnering the Stomach

Time once again for the Turner Prize nominees; proving once again that taking money under false pretenses is not a dead art.

Robosoup Nazi

British scientists receive £1 million to develop robot that can stir soup.

They'll get on that cancer cure right after lunch.

Hideously White Part II

Jack Straw says there are too many white judges in Britain.

In other news, there are too many racially-obsessed, bean-counting fatheads holding down posts as justice secretary.

Breakfast of DEATH

According to an Australian "environmental health researcher" with no grasp of palaeopathology or even basic epidemiology, global warming will turn your morning corn flakes into a bowl of crunchy killer madness.

Time is Really Money

This Patek Philippe wrist watch once owned by race car driver Carlo Felice Trossi was recently sold at auction for $2,157,760. For that price, you could hire someone to follow you around and tell the time for you.

On the other hand, I have a secondhand Timex that I'm letting go for a fiver.

Still runs.

Sort of.

Funky Star Trek Judges

The Lord Chief Justice has unveiled the new "Star Trek" style robes that will be inflicted upon judges in civil cases in Britain.

Not surprisingly, the new kit, which replaces the traditional robes and wig, was created by a woman who also designs "funky British clothes for aspiring funky British girls''.

It's a great comfort to know that as Britain is being shoved into the abyss that at least our judges are suitably "funky".

Le Grand Frère Vous Observe

Planning a night on the town in Paris? Then plan to be breathalysed–even if you're not driving.

Good to see that the French police have so much spare time now that the "youths" torching cars problem is under control.

Microtransat Challenge

This October sees the start of the Microtransit Challenge, where eight robot sailboats will set sail from Viana do Castelo, Portugal with an "imaginary" finish line that stretches" between St. Lucia and Martinique in the Carribean Ocean" (sic).

It's billed as "a three-month journey that will push the designers of these vessels to the limits of what robotics and artificial intelligence can presently accomplish", though it's clear that at least the writer of the report isn't a sailor, because this doesn't seem much of a challenge. Any sailing craft with the wheel lashed and the sails properly set will keep a constant heading and with a wind vane, autopilot and GPS it's practically a doddle outside of the odd hurricane. Besides, a line twenty miles across is a pretty big target even for a Transatlantic passage, so I suspect that there's more to this challenge than meets the eye.

Now if they could get one to pilot its way into the Port of London against heavy traffic even without an ocean passage, then I'd be impressed.

Combination Nail Clipper/Butane Lighter

In God's name, WHY?!?

HP Webber Faster One

Presenting the HP Webber Faster One, reportedly the fastest street-legal supercar in the world.

Stats:

• Engine: 900 hp V-8
• Acceleration: 0-62 mph in 2.7 seconds, 0-124 mph 6.6 seconds
• Top Speed: At least 248 mph
• Mileage: Who the Hell cares!

Cell Phone Centenary

The cell phone is one hundred years old.

From the size of the antenna, you can see why it took a while to catch on.

Canton Chunder

Another sign of Communist China's rush to modernisation: Nightclub vomatoriums.

Caligula was unavailable for comment

Soylent Green is Squirrels!

Save the Planet^tm; eat a squirrel.

Now they're just messing with us.

Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day here at Chez Szondy, so I'm off for a bit of quality time.

Back tomorrow.

They Came From Beyond Space

And stayed beyond their welcome.

Outlaw Veggies

Gordon Ramsey wants it to be illegal to serve out of season produce in restaurants. That's illegal as in "against the law".

First Jamie Oliver and now Ramsey. What is it about celebrity chefs that brings out the totalitarian in them? I once ran a kitchen myself, so I understand how wielding the big knife can instill delusions of grandeur, but usually the pocket dictatorship doesn't extend beyond terrorising the staff and browbeating the customers in the dining room.

Happy days, happy days.

Carts and Horses

Police in Strathclyde are recruiting Muslims so that they have a chance to show that moderate Muslims have a stake in this war and so that their knowledge and contacts inside the Islamic community can be used to hunt down and destroy Jihadist cells quickly and ruthlessly.

Just kidding. It's to,

(T)ackle Islamophobia and improve understanding of Islam.

Good to see that Scotland has got its head jammed firmly up its fundament.