Duel dud

Winner of the Most Disappointing Headline Award.

It seemed so hopeful; full of the promise that Mr. Crowe had graduated from flinging telephones to the Big Time of violent eccentricity–especially with the promise that the combatants would be mounted on bicycles. Unfortunately, things unravelled faster than the Christmas jumper my mother in law knitted for me. There are rules to duelling, after all. Was Mr. Crowe of noble birth? I don't think so. And being an actor, he can't possibly be ranked as a gentleman. Worse, his opponent was a journalist, whom everyone knows is more properly flogged with a horsewhip than fought. Then it turned out that said journalist is a woman. That put the whole contest quite beyond the pale and would very likely have got Mr Crowe blackballed from the better clubs.

Then I discover that this wasn't "breakfast for two and coffee for one", but a damnable cycle race.

Mr Crowe will, of course, be contacted by my seconds in the morning and he may have his choice of weapons. Bicycles excepted.