Castro's Condition: Fears or Hopes?

What is it with Western journalists and their love of murderous dictators? I haven't been paying too much attention to Castro's medical condition because I'm still waiting to see if the old monster makes a public appearance or if his doctor's determine that his condition has improved enough to pronounce him dead. But, as always, the press coverage is the more telling, as in this quote from Reuters (emphasis added):

Cuba's Communist Party tried to quell fears of chaos on Thursday following the temporary surrender of power by the ailing Fidel Castro but failed to clear up doubts over who is in charge of the island.

"Quell fears of chaos?" Last I looked, Cuba was a police state run by a mass-murdering Communist who is so keen on spreading world revolution that even Breshnev once told him to cool it. Did Reuters ever consider the possibility that regarding the future of Cuba and the Party's motives, "crush hopes of liberation" would be more accurate?

Ceasefire or Else

From the AFP:

Muslim nations have demanded an immediate ceasefire in the Middle East and warned that boiling anger over the Israeli offensive in Lebanon could launch a new wave of terrorism.

I don't know what the MSM think of this, but where I come from this is called "a threat."

Vindaloo Vs Senility

Curry: Is there nothing it can't do?

Farewell, Canberra

The last of the RAF's English Electric Canberra bombers, which have been in service since 1949, has been retired.

It's a sad milestone a man discovers that practically every plane in the inventory is now younger than he is-- and I don't mean since they got rid of the Sopwith Camels!

One Extra Large Elastic Loaf, Hold the Anchovies

In a quest for linguistic purity, Iranian President and Resident Lunatic Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has pronounced a ban on all infidel words, which is an improvement over his previous ban on all infidels. Henceforth, "pizza" will be known as "elastic loaf," "chat" will be "short talk" and "cabin" will be "small room."

No wonder France called Iran a stabilising influence in the region. Little minds think alike.

Global Warming Alert II

From ABC News:

Snow. Floods. Icy winds. Maybe even a tornado. South Africans are facing one of their harshest winters in years, with at least four deaths blamed on flooding from heavy rain that has caused travel delays in the south and west of the country.

We didn't listen!

Curtains For Hezbollah?

According to ThreatWatch, Israel has Hezbollah by the throat and has no intention of letting go.

Israel does not need to roll tanks on Damascus or even drop a few 2000-pounders on military installations. They simply need to convey that it’s just as easy to bank east from Baalbek as it is to bank west. Leave the option to Assad. He likes his palaces. He’ll make the right self-preserving choice.

And with that, the supply lines are cut off, leaving Hizballah alone with their pride and their banter, backing northward in a battered creep up the Bekaa Valley. It is an unpleasant feeling when your eyes are feeding your brain the images of where you’ve been rather than where you’re going…especially in a fight.

So, while the Iranians, the Syrians, the Lebanese, Hizballah and seemingly the entire world demands a ceasefire, Israel knows that a ceasefire is nothing more than a quiet pause for re-arming Hizballah. They’ll have none of it.

Time will tell.

Lancashire Police Want to Ban Drinkers From Standing at the Bar

You just can't make these things up anymore.

Muslims Only Day Update

Alton Tower's Muslims Only Day has been cancelled due to lack of bookings.

Bob Geldof and the Dixie Chicks were unavailable for comment.

Transparent Canoe

If you're into glass-bottom boats, then this is right up your street. Hammacher Schlemmer are selling a transparent plastic canoe that lets you look through the hull's bottom at the fish looking up at your bottom.

I would not recommend using this in one of those tropical places where the water is so clear that you can see straight down for a thousand feet unless you want to be history's first case of sea-level acrophobia.

Without a Prayer

According to the Telegraph, police in Lincolnshire are turning to prayer to help battle crime.

Given the record of the British police recently, prayer is about all they have left.

Dry and Dusty Death

NASA has been taking a look at Mars and has concluded that it may not just be lifeless, but is actively hostile to it.

I'm one of the life on Mars sceptics and have been since the first Viking missions when my alarm bell went off after the life-detecting experiments produced loads of gases, but could find no organic chemicals-- and the samples continued to do so even after being sterilised. What I'm surprised about is why we're still scratching out heads over this one. We're so used to living on a world with abundant water (even our deserts are rain forests compared to Mars) that we often forget just how close to being a universal solvent it is and how it has totally altered the environment of Earth. Take away water, and you have a chemical environment that isn't just dry, it also produces all sorts of nasty compounds that rip organic molecules to pieces. This makes near-airless, UV blasted Mars a very different place than once imagined.

Pity. As a boy I was rather looking forward to seeing a Thoat.

Headline of the Day

Smurfs arrested over trampoline theft

I don't understand it; I don't want to understand it.

Chuck Norris Alert

Due to the results of an Internet poll, a new bridge over the Danube in Hungary could end up being named after Chuck Norris.

If these words of wisdom are to be believed, the Hungarian authorities should just go with the flow.

Eeeh Bah Gum, I Almost Forgot

It's Yorkshire Day!

Another Nail

Lyme Regis' tradition of conger cuddling, a peculiar sport staged annually to raise money for Lifeboat Week and involves two teams hurling a huge dead eel at one another in hopes of knocking the opposition down, has ended after 30 years because of a single, anonymous e-mail that denounced the practice as "disrespectful" of eels and threatening to rain bad publicity on the town unless the inhabitants immediately kowtow to the New Order of Things.

Amazingly, the Lyme Regenians did exactly that rather than hit the "delete" button with a suitably dismissive West Country oath.

The people of Lyme Regis are clearly not the men their fathers were. When the mere threat from a lone animal rights activist can take away the liberty of one man to knock his fellow man down with a dead eel, then we have come to a sorry state of affairs.

Police Priorities

Unable to stem the rising tide of violent crime, drug abuse, public drunkenness, illegal immigration and terrorist activity, the British police crack down on the two threats to society that they are capable of dealing with: kids playing hopscotch and climbing trees.

Come back, PC/Sgt. George Dixon! All is forgiven!

Superdoor

From TechnoImport comes just the thing for the paranoid on your gift list: A steel door impervious to bullets, fire, cutting torches and explosives that boasts two in-board engines, locks with ten steel pins, and has a fingerprint recognition system that can even tell whether or not the finger being scanned is dead or alive.

Sounds impressive, but before you install it in your flat, just remember that plaster board is really easy to hack through.

Howard Hughes, Call Your Service

According to scientists, there may be 100 fold more types of germs in the ocean than previously thought.

I'm taking a shower... No, two... No, three... Make that four... Lots of showers. Lots.

Penguin Asylum Shock Horror

Contrary to popular belief, few penguins employ jet packs.

Penguin rights groups are up in arms (or wings or flippers or whatever) at the news that over a hundred penguins are being forcibly deported from Rio de Janeiro to Antarctica by the Brazilian Army without benefit of counsel.

Chilly Willy was unavailable for comment.

Make the Commute a Little Sweeter

I thought you might like to see my new car-- at least, the one I'm planning to buy after I pay off the Honda.

Guantanamo Update

Pentagon reports unveil a culture of violence at the American detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, citing hundreds of attacks involving broken toilet parts, utensils, radios and even a bloody lizard tail.

By the guards on the prisoners? Sorry, other way 'round.

Irony Alert: Lenin Division

The model village founded by Lenin as the Soviet Union's first co-operative settlement is falling prey to Russia's conversion to free-market capitalism, which has sparked a property boom in the area.

If anyone is in the Red Square area, do pop into the old boy's tomb and let us know if his well-preserved corpse is spinning, would you? Youtube links would be appreciated.

From Fingerpaints to Fingerprints

Under new laws being drawn up in secret by the EU and subject to neither votes by the people nor the approval of parliament, British children as young as six will be subject compulsory fingerprinting and their prints stored on a central (European) database.

No word yet as to when they will have the bar codes tattooed on the back of their necks.

War of the Words

When I reviewed this.. this cinematic thing that was Tim Hine's adaptation of The War of the Worlds, I thought that it would all pass away like a fever dream, but apparently you can't keep a vile atrocity down and now Pendragon Pictures are filing suit against Darkhorse Comics over its graphic novel version of the H. G. Wells book for infringement of copyright-- despite the fact that both are faithful adaptations of a work that has been in public domain for years.

You would think that Mr. Hines would be content with having his ouvere lapse into blessed obscurity, but when one is deep in Ed Wood territory the normal rules do not apply.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to try to get some of the feeling back into the right side of my face.

Do It Yourself Scanning Tunnelling Microscope

Amaze your friends! With these handy directions, you too can construct a scanning tunnelling microscope for under $100.

DIY projects have come a long way since I was a lad. I remember a time when if you could bang a few valves and bit of wire together and pick up Berlin, you were cock of the walk. Now you've got to split bloody atoms before you even get a look in.

Mark Steyn on the Home Front

Mark Steyn looks at how we've handed over the entirety of fighting the war to the military and why this is a losing strategy.

Our enemies understand "why we fight" and where the fight is. They know that in the greater scheme of things the mosques of Jakarta and Amsterdam and Toronto and Dearborn are more important territory than the Sunni Triangle. The U.S. military is the best-equipped and best-trained in the world. But it's not enough, it never has been and it never will be.

Read the whole thing, as the kids say.

Political Climate or Soft Target?

Christopher Chantrill over at the American Thinker looks at the recent terror shooting and concludes that the reason why Seattle was the scene had to do with its liberal political climate encouraging a mindset of violent victimhood.

Perhaps, but I'm more of the soft-target school myself. I have a hard time imagining a similar attack being tried in Denver or Houston where at least one of the women in the office would have been packing heat.

Quote of the Day

In the region there is of course a country such as Iran - a great country, a great people and a great civilization which is respected and which plays a stabilizing role in the region.

French Foreign Minister Philippe Douste-Blazy, just before they jumped on his head and started bawling for a strait jacket.

The Plague of Wombat Fights

I have sincere doubts that this tale of a man arrested for running a failed womabat-fighting ring is true, but it's worth relating just for the quote:

The bastard who sold them to me said they were vicious killers," said Kensington. "I paid $300 bucks for a pair of eucalyptus-leaf eating retards who just stare at each other with a dull glare."

Tip o' the hat to Fark.com.

Babyfree Bubble

Parenting is past; procreation a pestilence. The Childfree Militant Movement is on the rise as those who declare that they are childless and proud of it find their voice. Their organisations are growing, their ranks are swelling and soon they will triumph and their children will inherit the...

Hang on.

Captain Nemo, Call Your Service

Underwater Daleks? No, personal submarines.

In sporty colours, no less!

Bunker Mentality

Communist China has built a huge bunker under Shanghai big enough to house 200,000 of the city's 17.5 million people-- basically, the ratio of the city's Party elite, their families and servitors-- in the event of nuclear war.

Is Beijing expecting something that we aren't? And should we?

"To Be Honest, We're Crap at This"

From The Telegraph:

Schools will no longer have to teach teenagers the difference between right and wrong under government plans.

The move, greeted yesterday with a mixture of disbelief and fury, is outlined in proposed changes to the national curriculum, requested by ministers in an attempt to simplify the system.

Instead of a requirement to teach right from wrong, schools will only have to ensure that children between 11 and 14 have "secure values and beliefs" and are "committed to human rights".

When I read this my first reaction was "Good God, this load of PC claptrap is another nail in the coffin." However, on reflection, I have concluded that since the schools have made such an absolute and unqualified pig's breakfast in teaching right from wrong until now, this might actually be a step in the right direction.

The Egg and I

Revolution has come to the kitchen, courtesy of B&H Colour Change, in the form of an egg with a label printed on it to tell you when it's properly boiled.

But that isn't the most frightening thing, for other signs of "progress" loom on the horizon:

The egg logos are the latest application of heat-sensitive technology, which is likely to transform future kitchen landscapes. Other inventions include oven gloves that not only have temperature sensors built in, but also "talk", with phrases such as "The food should be checked in 40 minutes".

Progress or not, when my oven mitts start having a chat with me, it's time to throw in the towel and ring for a takeaway.

Terror and Timing

It's unbelievable. A terrorist attack occured last Friday at the offices of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. This is not only in my vicinity, but is also where my wife used to work. Great. I'm well-poised to cover the events as they unfold and even steal a march on the rest of the blogosphere with my insider's angle. What happens? I'm stuck in a cabin on the San Juan Islands without an internet connection in sight when the story breaks and only find out about it from a newspaper in the marina shop the next day.

Now that I'm back, the story is, of course, as dead as mutton and the only thread left is how the media and "community leaders" are handling this. Despite the fact that the perpetrator walked into a Jewish office declared "I am a Muslim" and started blazing away with a couple of hand guns, the local authorities and the press immediately jumped into action and dismissed any idea that this might be terrorism. Following the pattern of the El Al shootings, the DC snipers, the North Carolina SUV attack and others, this has been stamped "isolated incident" where the motives remain as much a mystery as the recent case where a man walked into a post-rave party and shot up the room before committing suicide. Disaffected infidel and self-proven anti-Semitic Muslim-- the line between is so blurred. Three days after a coldly calculated attack on an office guarded by a security system by a man with a clearly expressed identity and motive that left one person was left dead and five others, including a pregnant woman, in hospital, the "gunman's" own words have been disregarded and he has now been safely pegged as a confused loner who had nothing to do with Islam and even flirted with Christianity recently.

I would have thought that a well-adjusted terrorist is not exactly a common thing, and that by his own words and deeds it's pretty damn obvious that he'd made up his mind and chose the Religion of Peace, but according the the likes of the Seattle PI, this has nothing whatsoever to do with Jihad.

Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

On the plus side, the local Muslim community has condemned the shooting and stood with their Jewish counterparts, though the Looney Left has shown all the sensitivity of a doorknob, as illustrated by one Cindy Sherbert of the Palestine Solidarity Committee:

This clash of Seattle cultures was bitterly in evidence Friday as Sherbert and dozens of others gathered in Westlake Park to protest Israel -- even as a man was firing a semiautomatic pistol at women in the Jewish Federation building a few blocks away.

"It was just a bizarre coincidence that everything happened all at once that day," said Sherbert, who learned of Haq's attack as she was preparing to attend the rally. "I wasn't sure if we were even going to go ahead with it. I was terribly sad, and didn't want to be seen as insensitive -- I was quite devastated."

But she went, anyway, finding it impossible not to protest Israel's military.

She might have been marching through her fellow citizen's blood, but that's okay, because she was "devastated."

How will this play out in Seattle? That's easily predicted-- if you wear big enough blinkers.

"We debate, we argue and discuss, and we go on and on and on, frankly never reaching consensus," said Robert Jacobs, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League in the Northwest. Everlasting peaceful debate is just as he likes it.

"This is Seattle. The issues don't get resolved."

Yes, just talk and talk and talk. Unfortunately, the barbarians we face tend to do their talking with Kalashnikovs, bombs, rockets and airliners filled with innocent people.

We might just end up talking ourselves to death.

Gone Fishing

Back on Monday

Global Warming Alert

This just in from the University of Tasmania: global warming has struck not only Earth and Mars, but Pluto as well.

We didn't listen!

Headline of the Day

Fatal tour boat unsafe

Riiiiggghhhhttt.

Another Culinary Delight

Britain has bloodsicles, but Switzerland has meat ice cream.

Carnivores rejoice.

Virtual Coolness

ThinkGeek's Bluetooth Laser Virtual Keyboard uses a red diode laser to project a virtual keyboard onto your desktop that is not only compatible with your Bluetooth-enabled cell phone or PDA, but also makes a satisfying clicking sound as you type your magnum opus.

Now all you need is a virtual desk to project your virtual keyboard onto.

Gapingvoid Makes a Request

Well, since you insist...

Self-Healing Spacesuits

What the well-dressed spaceman is wearing this year-- or sometime in the future, anyway.

Way Too Much Time On Their Hands

Absolutely Bloody Mad.

But Fun!

Sorting Out the script

Is Israel a Goliath trampling Lebanese Davids? Or is it an overmatched bully stumbling into a quagmire?

I do wish the MSM would make up its mind.

Flying Cars? Sorry, Not Today

Flying cars are a major feature on Tales of Future Past and I've always had a certain fondness for them (aside from the prospect of having one crashing through the roof of my house, of course), but according to Mike Elgin, it looks as though we won't be seeing such vehicles in the showrooms soon.

The only way "flying cars" (operated by non-pilots and flying outside the existing air traffic control system) could come to fruition is if they were completely computer controlled by some massive, centralized system that knew the location -- and controlled every movement -- of every "flying car" aloft. But turning over control to a computer system that would line everyone up into traffic jams in the sky doesn't really live up to the "flying car" vision of total freedom, either. And, in any event, this kind of system is pure science fiction. It's decades away, at best. We're not even close to having that kind of central control for cars -- controlling "flying cars" like that would be far, far more difficult and expensive, and the demand for it is much lower.

Just as well. I still haven't paid off the Honda yet.

Leading From Behind

Hezbollah leader Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah has abandoned the Lebanese front for the safety of Damascus. Is he there out of cowardice, for a dressing down from his masters, to plea for more powerful weapons, or all three?

Now We're Really, Really Angry!

In the empty threat department we have Al Qaeda no. 2 man Ayman al-Zawahri saying that the Israeli offensive in Lebanon has cheesed him off royally and that the group now saw "all the world as a battlefield open in front of us."

I do wish Al Qaeda would hire someone to review their old press releases. When you've declared total war against all of civilisation it doesn't do much for your credibility to come back every couple of weeks and say that now you've declared double-plus tip-top total war.

Levels, old boy. Levels.

Bedmaking II

It looks as if Omar Bakri is not an isolated case. Denmark has rescued out of Lebanon one of the imams responsible for inciting the burning of Danish embassies.

A pity that the Danes are more soft-headed forgiving than their Royal Navy counterparts.

On the Carpet

I wish I had a few yards of this outside my door. I'd probably never have to answer it again.

Irony Alert

When a spellchecking firm needs to correct a typo in its press release, then there is a serious disconnect going on somewhere.

Spying On the Spycams

For the peeping tom and the paranoid we have the WCH DD9000; a wireless webcam hunter that lets you tap into the video feeds of any wireless cameras that happen to be in the vicinity.

If you switch this on hoping to get the security camera feed from the strip joint next door and see your own living room instead, take our advice: RUN!

DIY Department

Need a really cheap fax machine? Got a couple of salmon tins lying around the house? You're halfway there.

Closet With No Door

AP headline: Lance Bass of 'N Sync reveals he's gay

Next up: Water is wet, the Sun rises in the East and Ben Afleck needs acting lessons.

When You're Number Two, You Try Harder

A portrait of ambition: Monaco is the second-smallest, yet the fastest-growing nation on Earth-- if you look at as a percentage, anyway.

Separated at Birth?

Who is your "celebrity twin?" Upload your image on Myheritge.com and pattern-recognition software will automatically provide a list of candidates based on probable matches.

The interface for the site is very user friendly and the premise is pretty neat, but I have my doubts about how well it works at the moment, as my uploading my clock produced matches that included the actress who played Ally McBeal and an obscure black female rap singer, but not Dylan Moran, who my wife claims I'm a dead ringer for.

Of course, she also claims that my behaviour is an exact match for Bernard Black's, who Moran plays on the telly, so maybe she's biased.

Headline of the Day

Saddam prefers shooting to hanging

I'm easy.

Nanny State on a Bun

Tony Blair has told the food industry that it faces the Hobson's choice of "censor or be censored" when it comes to food advertisements. According to the BBC,

"I think I used to be very much in the bracket of those who say 'the nanny state' - it is not for the state to tell us what to do," he told the BBC's Mark Easton.

But, he added, successful anti-smoking campaigns and the campaign to make school dinners more healthy had helped to change his mind.

Translation: Mr. Blair was against curtailing personal freedoms until he discovered how satisfying it was to control people's lives.

For their own good, of course. Ever and always for their own good.

A Lack of Perspective

Headline: European Nations Fight Over What Vodka Is

Maybe, but after you've killed off a couple of bottles, who gives a toss.

Powers of 10

The wonders of the Internet. This short film about scales and distances was incredibly impressive when it was made back in 1977 and I used it often when I taught university. Over the years, I've seen it adapted to a book and a web site, but now it's available in its original form on demand with just a click of the mouse.

Progress, I suppose.

Tip o' the hat to Ektopia.

Peace, Promise or Pose?

The IRA terrorist: a thing of the past?

The British and Irish governments claim that the Irish Republican Army is "no longer planning violence or illegal activity of any kind" and therefore there is no obstacle to reviving the power-sharing assembly in Northern Ireland.

This is quite a remarkable statement-- and not merely because of the IRA's recent and notorious history of refusal to disarm publicly, bank robbery, extortion, kneecapping, drug dealing, supporting foreign terrorists, spying and evisceration. The elephant in the room is that if the IRA really has disarmed, renounced all violence and ceased all illegal activity, then it has no reason to exist at all and so why doesn't it prove that its thuggish campaign is over and disband?

Perhaps this claim on the part of Dublin and London is true, perhaps it is wishful thinking or perhaps it is a cynical papering-over in hopes of getting the Stormont assembly jump-started again.

That remains to be seen.

The Writing on the Water

Scientists at the Akishima Laboratories in Japan have developed a machine that uses 50 wave generators to form letters on the surface of water.

The scientists are now seeking a major grant to figure out what the point of the bloody thing is.

Future Pistol

In the Just Plain Cool Department, we present a DIY electromagnetic coil handgun-- with laser sight, of course.

Tip o' the hat to TechEBlog.

Piscine Police

And now from Japan, it's anti-terrorist fish.

They don't look like much, but they're formidable little buggers.

Good Night, Melanie

Melanie Martinez, the presenter of the PBS Sprouts network's Goodnight Show has been sacked for appearing in ribald videos.

Having a four-year old, I watch a lot of children's television and seen from the perspective as an adult, many of the programmes seem to have a subtext that would do Kafka proud. I am convinced that the Teletubbies are the products of some government genetics project, that Jay Jay the Jetplane is part of a race of living aircraft that have somehow managed to enslave mankind and I can't watch Angelina Ballerina without wondering what bizarre, tragic prerevolutionary past the Slavic ballet teacher Miss Lilly must be covering up. As for the departing Miss Melanie, I can never decide whether she's sitting on gigantic furniture or if she's only three feet tall. Regardless, her fixed smile and way too cheerful disposition makes me suspect that she should really get out more before she snaps.

Now maybe she'll get the chance.

Biker Nuns

Two Dutch nuns in habit and on bicycles chased a suspected thief through Amsterdam.

I smell the pilot for a really great cop show here.

Headline of the Day

Alcohol may prolong life

The preservative qualities of booze. They don't call it "getting pickled" for nothing.

Hybrids: Bad Economy, Good Politics.

General Motors Vice Chairman Bob Lutz says that hybrid cars are good publicity, but little else.

Hybrids are technologically of doubtful benefit, and expensive, but necessary from a political and public relations point of view.

Maybe, but you still risk the horrible danger of Smug.

Poll Results

Flag Day

In a phenomenal and uncharacteristic burst of common sense, the British government have come down on the side of liberty and lifted the ban on flying national flags.

That unfamiliar smell you're experiencing is called a breath of fresh air. Let's hope its the harbinger of a change in the wind.

The Kraken Wakes?

First hordes of jellyfish are in Japanese waters attacking nuclear power plants, and now they're massing off the coast of Norway just waiting for the signal to strike.

This can't be coincidence, people. We've got to do something before it's too late!

Quote of the Day

We are not fighting so that you will offer us something. We are fighting to eliminate you.

Hezbollah leader Hussein Massawi on his idea of "compromise" with the West.

Thoughtpolice Guilty of Thoughtcrime

The grim spectre of Diversity marches through the police ranks with its characteristic goosestep as the government imposes its procrustean ideal of "equality" on us all and woe betide those who object or deviate. According to this opinion piece in The Telegraph (emphasis added),

Its race and diversity programme has included annual "diversity weeks", "diversity awareness" courses, a "positive action" programme to develop staff from "under-represented" groups, and "diversity training" for 15,000 staff in the Immigration and Nationality Directorate. We now know that they might have spent the time more profitably learning how to maintain a filing system to keep track of illegal immigrants.

Mr Reid has blamed Home Office staff for their failures, but the racial quotas were imposed by his Government. Many officials, police officers and others have watched in stunned disbelief while recruitment on merit has been discarded to meet ethnic targets. They quickly learnt that it was best to keep quiet, and staff who spoke up in favour of fair procedures found themselves in hot water for "inappropriate behaviour".

To make it clear that opponents of ethnic targets stood no chance of promotion, a range of "diversity-related assessments" were included in all staff selection processes from March 2005. What does this mean in practice? A 19-year-old female candidate for the police service recently learnt a hard lesson in diversity awareness. She had passed her written tests, and in her interview was asked what she would do if she needed advice. She replied: "I would go to my sergeant and ask him for help." She failed the interview for referring to the sergeant as "him", thus revealing her lack of gender awareness.

She may have been guilty of a lack of "gender awareness," but she at least gets top marks for grammar awareness.

Samizdata has also noted this episode, and regards it as a good thing-- though not for the reasons the government would approve of.

Lebanese Countdown

News from Lebanon over at the Captain's Quarters. The bad news: The IDF may have only ten days to take out Hezbollah. The good news: That may be all they need.

Update: Apparently, this has domestic implications as well.

Update: ABC News takes a less sanguine view.

Dead Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

Why are the civilian casualties in Lebanon so high? One reason is that Hezbollah terrorists find them very convenient shields that they don't have to give much thought to.

Seldom, if ever, has a guerrilla movement been able to so openly and exquisitely weave itself into the fabric of a society as Hezbollah has done in Lebanon.

If the civilians in and around these operational bases happen to be of Hezbollah's own brand of Islam they automatically become a part of the "sacrificial," suicidal equation. Often without choice or foreknowledge, they die an "honorable" death in the battle against infidels or apostates.

If the civilians happen to be of some other persuasion, Islamic or otherwise, their deaths are not even worth a shrug. However, these mangled bodies and wailing women with arms outstretched do provide an immense propaganda payoff, especially in the Western "crusader" media -- which still places a quaint value on human life.

And this is greatly helped by the likes of the BBC, who don't much care about whether a corpse is a "civilian" or a terrorist.

The British Broadcasting Corp. (BBC) has admitted that many of the victims of Israeli retaliation in Lebanon are terrorists and not innocent civilians. A BBC reporter said he saw Hizbullah terrorists using a private home and added, "It is difficult to quantify who is a terrorist and who is a civilian."

Dotty Bishop Sighting II

The Bishop of London addressing his flock.

The Bishop of London Rev Richard Chartres has declared that the common people are committing sins with their vulgar flying off on holidays to tacky places like Spain and Majorca, when it should be reserved for more exalted beings such as himself, who makes frequent jaunts to Russia.

Why is holidaymaking a sin? Because,

There is now an overriding imperative to walk more lightly upon the earth and we need to make our lifestyle decisions in that light.

Making selfish choices such as flying on holiday or buying a large car are a symptom of sin.

Ephemeral Isle is currently putting together a deputation to visit Rev Chartres and explain to him that he is supposed to be, in fact, a prelate of the Christian church, and not a high priest of the pagan Cult of Gaia.

This seems to have slipped his memory.

Plastic Monopoly

Call it a sign of the times.

Monopoly, that board-game favourite of budding capitalists with a rainy afternoon to waste putting little red hotels on Mayfair, has been pulled kicking and screaming out of the 1930s world of little, round tycoons in spats and silk hats and into the grey efficiency of the 21^st century.

No, I don't mean that Monopoly will now be subject to Euro diktats, government oversight committees and WTO regulations. It's far worse. The piles of multi-coloured bank notes that, as they accumulated in little piles beside the playing board, allowed me to imagine that for once in my life I was solvent have been replaced with plastic debit cards and a little ATM machine.

I'm sure that it's much more efficient, but no matter how much money you have in the bank, fondling the debit card just isn't the same.

The Campaign is a Success... But We're Not Sure

In a beautiful example of a Politically Correctness disappearing up its own fundament, Lothian and Borders Fire and Rescue Service has been distributing posters in gay bars in Edinburgh in a drive to recruit more homosexuals into the fire brigade, which, we are told in a very smug piece in the Scotsman, will improve the performance of the fire brigade in a way that is not readily apparent, as one would have thought that one's sexual proclivities would have little bearing on how one handles a hook and ladder.

This would be just another day in the life of the "diversity" industry if it weren't for this interesting little quote:

The brigade is unable to give figures for the number of firefighters who are gay because as a policy it does not ask employees their sexuality.

So, the Lothian and Borders Fire and Rescue Service are spending taxpayers' money on a recruitment campaign that they have no way of gauging the success of.

It's a bureaucrat's dream come true.

Happy Birthday, Speaking Clock

At the third stroke, the Speaking Clock will be... seventy-years old.

More on this remarkable device.

Strathclyde Police Do Their Job

But after protests from the Muslim Council of Great Britain, promise to be less effective in future.

Saturday Simmer

Great Britain isn't the only place experiencing a heat wave. The temperature in Seattle has spiked in the 90s (no metric system here, thank you), and posting entries has given way to soaking feet in the paddle pool and family water balloon fights.

Priorities, you know

Inventor of Philly Steak Sandwich Goes to the Big Stand in the Sky

Harry M. Olivieri, inventor of the Philly cheesesteak sandwich, has passed on at the age of 90.

I have only two iron-clad opinions of American dishes; I either despise them or am a fanatical devotee. Since I discovered the Philly cheesesteak sandwich, it has become in American diners what a curry is in Indian restaurants and eggs, bacon and chips is in cafes-- a great saver of effort, as I'll pass up everything else on the menu without a second thought.

Unlike the late Alistair Cook, I've never been to Philadelphia, but I really must make the time for a pilgrimage. Meantime, I just happen to have one of Mr. Olivieri's inventions in my briefcase for lunch.

My complements to the chef.

Puzzling Persian

Iranian mullah Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani on why Tehran will not heed the UN resolution before the Security Council demanding that Iran stop uranium enrichment:

If Iran accepts, that would mean putting our hands up and surrendering.

And his point is...?

He Made His Bed

A satisfying little episode as reported in the Sun:

Exiled preacher of hate Omar Bakri has begged the Royal Navy to rescue him from war-torn Beirut.

The Muslim cleric who fled Britain last year, tried to board a ship full of women and children yesterday but was turned away.

There are some things that cannot help but give me a warm, peaceful glow. There is my daughter's innocent smile, the morning mist over the green valley near my home, and, of course, seeing a hatemongering Jihadist get caught in the middle of a hell of his own making and pleading like a whinging coward with his sworn enemies for rescue only to get the boot.

Life is good.

Update: Thanks to jayessell for catching the copy error. You can tell it's a Friday.

Justice Delayed

Ta Mok, Khmer Rouge military chief and genocidal maniac, died of natural causes in a hospital in Phnom Penh at the age of eighty two-- leaving the international tribunal charged with trying his crimes and which dithered away for years with nothing to show for itself.

This is another prime example why the current fascination with the fiction known as "international law" is morally bankrupt. Within a year, two mass murderers have made a travesty of justice by running out the clock and dying in bed rather than on the gallows. At least we have the consolation of knowing that Ta Mok has finally gone to face a judge that he cannot hope to evade.

Cartoon Wars Continue

The echoes of the war over the Danish cartoons continue to reverberate as an Indonesian editor faces trial for publishing them.

This matter is not going away.

Bombay Arrests

Three men belonging to the Students Islamic Movement of India (Simi) have been arrested in connection with the recent Bombay atrocities.

Following.

Mirror, Mirror

Can't afford your own personal gentleman's gentleman to look after your affairs? Then you probably can't afford this "magic mirror" from Themeaddicts Inc either. It's basically a mirror-screen plasma television set on end and hooked up to an array of cameras and sensors so that when the jacquzzi is hot enough or if someone breaks into the pantry, a rather alarming cartoon face pops up to let you know what's going on.

This is one of those ideas where my first reaction is "Cool," followed by "Dear God, this is unspeakably vulgar," and ending with "It's actually a fairly good basic idea, if they'd jettison all the disneyesque animatronics rubbish." Leaving the novelty value well aside, the idea of a digital home with an unobtrusive central readout with a user-friendly interface that blends into the decor while inactive makes a lot of sense. If they dumped the roccoco frame, added some touch-screen and voice-recognition software, replaced the hideous Basil the Butler character with a simplified face or an abstract image that flashed in time with the voice ala Zen from Blakes 7 and added a rotating set of information displays when active ala Hal from 2001: a Space Odyssey, then you'd have something.

But then, I've always been something of a classicist.

Tip o' the hat to Endgadget.

Axis of Evil? What Axis?

Iran sent representatives to North Korea's recent missile tests.

How this relates to Tehran's peaceful nuclear weapons power programme is still unclear.

Update: Real Clear Politics points out that this is no surprise, as Iran's Shahab missile is based on North Korea's No Dong.

In other words, Ahmadinejad, like Kim Jong Il, also has No Dong.

Cutlery Cut-Up

I sat up when I heard that Britain's Arthur Price company has developed "anti-terror airline cutlery." I sat down again when I learned that this meant cutlery designed so that terrorists can't use it against passengers and not cutlery designed so that passengers can use it against terrorists.

Personally, I've always thought that the current policy of keeping the passenger cabin free of sharp implements as an anti-terrorist measure was counter-productive. If it was up to me, I'd go in the opposite direction and strap a hunting knife under every seat. Half a dozen hijackers versus three hundred angry, well-armed passengers; let's see who wins.

Garden Variety Flamethrower

At $35, the Weed Burner is one of the more versatile gardening implements I've seen in a while. Not only can you use it to light barbeques and burn dandelions off the pavement, but on a slow day you can take paint ball matches to a whole new level.

Charming

Wonder why there are so many civilian casualties in Lebanon? Ynet.com news has one answer.

The IDF has found that Hizbullah is preventing civilians from leaving villages in southern Lebanon. Roadblocks have been set up outside some of the villages to prevent residents from leaving, while in other villages Hizbullah is preventing UN representatives from entering, who are trying to help residents leave. In two villages, exchanges of fire between residents and Hizbullah have broken out.

I can just imagine the sort of conversations that go on in southern Lebanon. "You have volunteered for human shield duty for the glory of the Jihad-- whether you like it or not."

Crack in the World

Run!

Oxford University scientists say they have witnessed a new rift suddenly forming in east Africa that will eventually split the continent and form a new sea.

The scientists seem a bit sanguine about this development, but we've seen this before and the results were not pretty.

Atomic Jellyfish

A swarm (if that's the word) of jellyfish have laid siege to a Japanese nuclear power plant.

Is this coincidence or the another sign of major kaiju battle involving giant atomic-powered jellyfish in the offing? Will Godzilla make an appearance? You decide.

You Will Become Like Us

Something no home should be without: An official cyberman helmet within built-in voice changer.

The article I read says that they've just been put on the market, which is strange, as my boss has been wearing one for years.

Poll Results

The Dream

As mentioned the other day, I have a real weakness for wrist-mounted gadgetry and over the years I've past up many a wristwatch with depth gauge, altimeter, and digital compass, and wrist radio because I have about as much sense of direction as "wrongway" Corrigan in a London fog with a paper bag over his head and I knew that one day someone would produce the Ultimate; a wristwatch with a built-in GPS locator.

There's no price set for the GPS-50 yet, and we're not that impressed with its lack of waypoints or map function, but the technology is definitely on the right path and we live in hope.

God, I've got to get a life. Or a map.

Mmm... Bloodsicles

The marketing possibilites are endless. Britain is in the grip of a major heat wave and to help cope with sweltering temperatures the lions at Colchester Zoo are being given blood-flavoured ice lollies.

The monkeys have to make do with banana ones.

Fisherman Catches Same Fish Twice In Same Week

Definitive proof that fish are dim.

Butty Call

Which magazine has looked at 275 breakfast cereals and says that some are as "fatty as a bacon sandwich."

Conclusion: We at last have a solid reason to ditch the foul museli and tuck into a few rashers instead.