Another breaking scandal on the global warming front:
Trees will not uproot themselves and embark on blood-soaked killing sprees by 2035, global warming experts have admitted.
The International Panel on Climate Change confirmed the evidence had not been peer-reviewed and will now amend the section of its 2007 report devoted to 'killer trees'.
A spokesman said: "It appears the claim was not based on new data or field research but on that bit with the angry, talking trees in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers."
However, they still stand by their claims about global warming causing hordes of slavering orcs to descend upon us.
Anecdotal evidence, but just last weekend I was attacked by trees. I was walking home from a bar, minding my own business, when the shrubbery at the edge of the sidewalk grabbed on to my clothes and started to pull me in. I think it was trying to devour me. Then, an overhanging fruit tree reached over the fence and joined in the assault. I shouted, "Unhand me, demon-flora!" and taking advantage of their surprise, made my escape.
ReplyDeleteThey're clever, those animated trees. They wait until their victims have had a few drinks and thus lowered their defenses, before they strike.
It might be anecdotal but why take a chance? Let's get some legislation passed and spend some money!!! We can't wait, too much is at stake!
ReplyDeleteIs there some way we can stop businesses from operating because of this?
Absolutely! This matter can't wait! I'm cereal!
ReplyDeleteOh, by the way, you probably shouldn't use that word. You know, "ess-tee-ay-kay-ee"? Not PC. Might offend the trees.
Good point, very insensitive of me Perhaps we should consult the polls....oh wait that sounds like a tree-related item, or should I say "Arbor-American" related?
ReplyDelete