Friday, 31 July 2009

A simple suggestion

Apparently the "voluntary" (for now) ID cards for Britain will not include the union jack for "fears that it may upset members of the nationalist community in Northern Ireland".

Frankly, I think that this is a load of godswallop and that the real reason is that New Labour despises the country it rules governs and wants no truck with any of its institutions, liberties, traditions, history, religion, symbols, or people; but let's take them at their word. Given the the nationalists are a minority of a minority who swear allegiance to another country and will never be pleased anyway, tell them that if they are not happy with ID cards with the union jack emblazoned on their tyrannical plastic faces, then it's that or no cards at all for anybody.

Then we'd have a perfect excuse to drop the whole rotten scheme and good riddance.

Luke, I am... Oh, bugger

Apparenty, some of Saddam Hussein's troops worked really hard to look formidable during the Iraq War.

Didn't work.

TASER Shockwave

A dozen taser shots at one go? Now it's getting interesting.

Thursday, 30 July 2009

From the Ministry of Plenty

Glorious news, brothers! The Food Standards Agency wants to increase the chocoration to 50 grams!


And now, a gadget for opening those horrid plastic packages.

Why do I have the feeling that it comes in a horrid plastic package?

When a hijab isn't a hijab

Avon and Somerset constabulary are issuing their non-muslim WPCs with hijabs–except the constabulary insist that they are really "multi-faith scarves".

Next up: Avon and Somerset explain how dhimmitude is merely "multi-faith deference".

Well, at least they aren't doing something truly horrible, like wearing union jack badges.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

101 degrees Fahrenheit

Update: Make that 105 degrees.


Ladies and gentlemen, the world's slowest and easiest to hit aerial combat target.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Robot Monster

To live... To love like the Hu-Man; why was this not in the Plan?

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Slow week

You may have noticed that posting has been a bit light this week. That's because we're getting ready for my daughter's seventh birthday this weekend and my mother is visiting Chez Szondy for the occasion. When that's added to the usual anthill-kickings of life, it makes getting anything done a herculean task.

On the upside, it gave me a perfect excuse to make a run to the off licence. If my mum is going to be in the house, much as I love the old dear, I intend to have a large drink in my hand as often as possible.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Cat-Women of the Moon

Yes! Yes! I posted this! And I'd do it again! Bwahahahahaha!!!! (Crash)

Friday, 17 July 2009

Continental drift

Some days I feel like I'm watching this in real time.

Which I am, come to think of it.

Shades of the 1930s

Jeff Randall in The Telegraph discusses New Labour's (and the Tories when it comes to it) complete unwillingness to treat the defence of the realm as anything other than the bastard red-haired child of the family. How bad is it? The numbers don't get put forward very often, and for good, reason, but Defence's share of the British budget is 5.6 percent. That puts it on a par with "personal social services".

Britain's armed forces aren't dwindling because Britain is in decline. It's because they're being needlessly pennypinched to death by a political class who sees no votes in them. Szondy's rule of thumb for a healthy democracy is that Defence takes up 51 percent of the central government (as opposed to local) budget. If it's any less, then you're either not buying enough bullets or you're buying too much butter. In Britain's case, we aren't buying any bullets and we've got so much damn butter that we'll all die of heart attacks before we become too weak to defend ourselves.

May it go the same way

Like the late, unlamented USSR, Red China is an empire pretending to be a country.

The writer calls this a "closely held secret", though I've been banging my spoon about this fact for thirty years.

You're hired. Here's your ankle tag.

DSS Co Ltd of Japan strives to make the telescreen obsolete.

Next up: Brain chip implants

Thursday, 16 July 2009

London Bridge redesigned

I swear that it's easy to pick out the architects who designed this atrocity to replace London Bridge. Go to a revival screening of The Battle of Britain and they're the ones cheering on the Luftwaffe all the way.

Park Trek

Dear God, haven't we suffered enough?

True progress

Every now and again one comes across a new invention that pushes forward the art of war in a quantum leap: The longbow, gunpowder, nuclear fission, and now... the sniper cup holder.

Churchill would have been proud.

Lessons from history

The BBC looks at the history of Britain in Afghanistan and presents this little tidbit:
Why, then, did the British fail in Afghanistan in 1841, and will the same thing happen today? In 1841, those in political charge in Afghanistan and British India did not perceive this "cultural solution" as being worthy of any merit. Despite the efforts of a minority of officers and soldiers, the preferred British method was retaliatory violence.
The alternative explanation, which I subscribe to, is the Major-General William "Elphinbay" Elphinstone was a complete ass with all the brains of an underdone turnip.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009


According to Popular Science, Nasa is planning to deorbit the International Space Station in 2016. This is some service life for a station that hasn't even been completed yet.

I didn't know Chrysler was the main contractor.

Water is wet, fire is hot...

Headline in The Times:
Britain is a soft touch for people smuggling, say traffickers

Brother, can you spare a diode?

Robots in Japan facing record unemployment; the hunt for Sarah Connor moves to the dole queue.

Read the script

Memo to Miss Mabuse: Please stick to the narrative. Deviating from the accepted trope that everything The One does is historic tends to upset our newsreaders and makes them jump.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Thoughtcrime is relative

The frightening thing about tyranny is that it's inconsistent. It may be repressive, but it doesn't have to be even handed about it. Tyrants can change the rules at will depending on everything from influence to mere whim. That is the definition of tyranny. In Oceania, nothing is technically illegal, but Heaven help you if you transgress the unwritten rules.

Unless, of course, it's politically costly to squash you.

Lucky Strike goes to war

"Health experts" want the US military to be "smoke free" in twenty years.

Maybe by that time they'll have come up with a cure for "experts" who have their heads jammed up their fundaments.

Major Kong, call your service.

Scientists have developed a pill that improves your chances of surviving a nuclear blast.

Though that depends on how close you are to the thing.

Not so final rest

Last year I did an article for iQ magazine about the QE2 being sold to Dubai where she would end her days as a luxury hotel. Sadly, the recession has put paid to those plans and now the old girl looks set to head off to South Africa.

You'd think seniority would command more dignity.

Friday, 10 July 2009

Five galaxy collision

If you think you have it tough, imagine what it's like for these poor bastards who have five galaxies all crashing into each other at the same time.

The insurace premiums must be hell.

Thursday, 9 July 2009


War in Afghanistan, coup in Honduras, revolution in Iran, missile tests in North Korea,bloody repression in China, and CNN goes with... The Obama girls go sightseeing!

Somewhere Walter Burns is sobbing.


Flies through the night; gets stuck in Sarah Connor's hair.

Bias? What bias?

Even if you are hand in glove with the Party, it's not a good idea to take orders from them on the air.


That's what I like about left-wing satire; always a class act.

Daredevil: the autumn years

It's just not the same.

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Witch wanted

Wookie Hole is advertising for a full-time witch. The pay is good, but the job interview is a bit of a bugger.

Carbon cops

Since controlling CO2 emissions means giving the the government literally the power to regulate your right to breathe, it's no surprise that the Greenshirts have at last been let loose to stomp a boot in the face of thoughtcrime over and over again forever.

Zap! Gurgle

The United States Navy is looking into using lasers to destroy attacking swarms of small boats threatening their warships.

I wish I had one of those in my sailing days. There wouldn't have been a windsurfer afloat within the horizon.

Dr Solon, call your service

Michael Jackson: The ultimate comeback tour

Michael Jackson has been laid to rest without his brain, which was removed for "scientific tests".

There's a great B movie here struggling to get out.

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

HMS Queen Elizabeth

The BBC has a report on the beginning of work on HMS Queen Elizabeth, the first of Britain's two next generation strike carriers, that includes this curious statement (emphasis added):
The vessels will be capable of carrying up to 40 aircraft and will be used for a wide range of tasks, including supporting peacekeeping operations and conflict prevention.
No, their purpose, and rightly so, is to wage war and strike fear into the hearts of our enemies. Otherwise, I don't see any point in them.

Solar cloth

An American firm, Konarka, has developed a photovoltaic fabric that turns your jacket into an solar power station.

Great, as if rail travel wasn't enough of a pain, now I have to deal with stepping over the bodies of trainspotters electrocuted by their anoraks.

What does he want? Pillow fights?

Lord Bingham, retired senior law lord, says that UAV combat aircraft should be banned as "so cruel as to be beyond the pale of human tolerance".

Given that a UAV is nothing but an aircraft where the pilot is sitting safe thousands of miles away, so the machine can survey and attack areas where a manned aircraft can't, this sort of logic leads to the conclusion that the West's defence strategy should be to issue our people with hunting knives so they can slit their own throats in the event of war.

In other news, Ephemeral Isle asks if Lord Bingham should go and have a little lie down somewhere.

Meat Candy

Don't ask.

Ford Glideair

Yet another flying car... of the FUTURE!

Friday, 3 July 2009

Well, I feel safe

Different even in death

This is one of the things that fascinates me about America. In Britain, the law requires that you be buried in a pine box that will eventually rot away. This makes room for later inmates and the sexton's job that much easier. In America, the law requires that you be buried in a metal casket that weighs a ton, stuck in a concrete vault that has about as much chance of decaying as the pyramids.

The amazing thing is, I don't think anyone outside of some faceless bureaucrats ever gave any of this more than a second's thought. At one time, burial rite were the stuff of religion, status, and culture. Now they're the result of the stroke of a pen.

Lord Summerisle, call your service

Why am I not surprised?

A meeting of Titans

James Lileks and I are mentioned in the same blog posting.

For some reason, the commenters seem a bit disteracted

How trains stay on the rails

I had the honour of meeting Dr Feynman when he was alive (how else?) and this was what it was like to talk to him. You just said "hello" and stood back.

Thursday, 2 July 2009

What's next? The Apocalypse? headline:
Computer glitch causes liquor shortage
How is this affecting me? Imagine Bernard Black's reaction and you've got mine.

Jet-propelled Ford

A Ford F-150 with a jet engine in the back? Even with the air intake smack against the reaer windscreen,okay. The guy can get it started? I'll buy that. Reach 516 MPH without running out of fuel in ten seconds or flipping over when the truck starts acting like an airfoil? Not a chance.

Birds of a feather?

The word "fascist" has started to be mentioned in connection with Mr Barack Hussein Obama–and I don't mean the black helicopter, Freemasons-fearing fringe types. And I hate to admit it, but it's becoming harder to dismiss the idea that the label couldn't possibly fit. It's bad enough when The One sides with the likes of Ortega, Chavez, and the ghost of Castro in demanding that a would-be dictator be reinstated while he soft steps around Iran for fear of "meddling", but when he and his administration comment on the opposition of a Congressman with the words,
Stunning that he would ignore the wishes not just of his president, but of his constituents and the country.
Since when have the "wishes" of the president ever counted for anything with Congress? There are some pretty nasty possibilites coming to light about Mr Obama's ideology and I sincerely want to be wrong about what they are.

This is surprising?

Slate headline:
How McDonald's Conquered France
I'm only guessing, but maybe by doing what everyone else did since Joan of Arc.

Show up.

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

All that trouble for nothing

On a happier note, the Greeks have built a new museum to house the Elgin Marbles, which have about as much chance of returning to Athens as I have of taking up break dancing.

Yet another nail

Burke's Peerage has thrown out principle of primogeniture and will no longer list offspring according to right of succession, but by order of birth. And they'll be including bastards in the lists as well.

William Bortrick, Burke’s recently appointed wet behind the ears Jacobin Executive and Royal Editor, calls this "bring(ing) Burke’s into the 21st century" and apparently regards this as a good thing. The little vandal will be chucking slates off the roof next.

I have another way of describing this, which involves another definition of "burke".

Another nail

Wimbledon has ceased to refer to female (remember when they were ladies?) players as Miss or Mrs.

I knew sport was in terminal decline when the cricketing world stopped distinguishing between gentlemen and players. Now it's augured straight into the bedrock.