Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Let's Pizza

The pizza-making vending machine: Another way for your boss to tell you that you'll never go home again.

Bed Bunker

The box mattress/gun safe for the Sarah Connor market.

OfficePOD

Do you telecommute? Do you enjoy working from home? Do you cherish liberation from the dreaded cubicle?

We'll put a stop to that.

Monday, 30 March 2009

Going Dutch

The Dutch unveil a new modular helmet system that allows soldiers to go from shooting glasses to full "Luke, I am your father" with a few additions.

Any smart ass who does heavy breathing in the thing gets a fortnight of guard duty.

Carbon Heresy


South Africa has developed a cheap coal to liquid fuel process that could be the salvation of industrial civilisation and allow the West to achieve energy independence for centuries or until a practical nuclear/hydrogen cycle economy can be established.

This is, of course, evil and an abomination in the eyes of Blessed Gaia and her priests.

Hotelicopter

What do you get when you turn a 40-year old Soviet V-12 prototype into a flying luxury accommodation? Hotelicopter!

It's five-star opulence set to turbine whines and the incessant whakka-whakka of rotor blades. Not unlike some airport hotels I've stayed in.

Update: Hoax?

Bye Bye, Bishop

The Bishop of Rochester is announcing that he is retiring ten years early to concentrate on helping Christians persecuted in Muslim countries and elsewhere.

While this is a laudable mission, I can't help but be disappointed, as his grace was a far better candidate for Canterbury than that bearded platypus that wears the mitre now.

Saturday, 28 March 2009

Earth Hour

A Carbon Footprint You Can See From Space


Today is Earth Hour, when those who worship Blessed Gaia switch off their lights between 8:30 and 9:30 PM Zulu Time in order to scourge themselves of their sins. Sorry, other people's sins.

Here at Chez Szondy, we will, of course, be marking that time by turning on every light in the house, lighting up the massive outdoor searchlight display, bonfires fueled with loads of coal and old tyres, having a massive barbecue with every meat imaginable, and our ever popular SUV drag races.

By the bye, the UN is getting in on the act, and how much do they expect to save by this rubbish? $81,000? $24,000? Nope. Try $102.

Update: We will also be showing this clip continuously on our three dozen 103-inch plasma screens that we've set up for the occasion:


Parts: The Clonus Horror

Friday, 27 March 2009

Cosmic Poppadoms

Showing that India is taking its space programme seriously and that it has its priorities straight, Defence Food Research Laboratory (DFRL) has been tasked with creating the world's first orbital curry.

The interplanetary chutney may take a bit longer.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

War? What War?


Now that terrorism has been redefined as "man-caused disaster" it shouldn't be surprising that the Barrack Hussein Obama administration is changing the "Global War on Terror" to "Overseas Contingency Operation".

With their heads jammed so deep in the sand, I'd say that the only thing that's keeping the Jihadists from carrying out another 9/11 is the hope that Mr Obama will stay out of the military's way so they can keep mauling the bastards.

Comic of Babel

Taxpayer-funded logorhea in crap comic book form. Frightening thing is, I had to endure people like this for years.

And they wonder why no one takes the arts seriously anymore

Obvious Department

Popular Science poses the question, "Can cars float?"

In my experience: No.

But can you destroy a Toyota pick up? Clearly, we got the wrong machine.

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Moon Zero Two Live

The new Tales of Future Past section, Moon Zero Two is now live.

Enjoy.

Justice for Some

From the BBC:
As the last remaining Nazis from World War II approach the end of their lives, it is debatable whether it is still worthwhile to pursue them.
I've no problem with hunting down the Nazis to the last man. My problem is that we don't treat the Communists and the Jihadists with the same fervor for justice.

A Breath of Fresh Air


From the EU! Why, dear God, are we not hearing these words in the Commons every single day?

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Report To Your District Euthansia Centre


I see that "Gordon Brown’s leading green adviser" Jonathan Porritt is at it again. This time he's declaring that Britain must reduce its population to 30 million to avert the wrath of Blessed Gaia build a sustainable society.

Naturally, the orders to submit to democide will apply only to the proles and Outer Party members. Mr. Porritt, his two children, and other Inner Party members who have not shown counterrevolutionary tendencies or susceptibility to Goldsteinism will be exempt.

De Nile Is Not Just In Egypt


In a move more worthy of the British Home Secretary, Janet Napolitano, the American Secretary of Homeland Security, has announced that terrorist attacks will no longer occur. Instead, they will be called, wait for it, "man-caused disasters".

Aside from being unacceptably sexist and heteronormative, this idea that is so blinkered that it doesn't even regard terrorists as criminals. Now they're just something that just sort of happens like a piano landing on your car. In other words, save your breath, Bin Laden; the Messiah & Co. are sticking their fingers in their ears and humming as loud as they can.

I'm The Dude Playin' The Dude, Disguised As Another Dude!

Apparently Robert Downey Jr's portrayal of Kirk Lazarus's deep method acting is closer to truth than I thought, though in reverse. I was rewatching the 1932 version of The Most Dangerous Game when I came across this character who looked oddly familiar:

Recognise him? It's the Black American actor Noble Johnson in white face playing a Cossack. A pity they didn't have DVDs in those days. I'd be interested to know if he'd have stayed in character until he finished the commentary track.



Meanwhile, here's the feature itself. Enjoy

Monday, 23 March 2009

Doctor Cyclops


The Castle Films version.

Iron


Keep your copybook ready.

Twilight of the Damned

My wife ordered Twilight on paid per view last night and after watching she told me that I had to come see. Since pay per view on our service works all day for one order I had nothing to lose, so I had a shufti.

I am glad that I did because I have found a rare cinematic gem to set beside The Fountainhead; a film that exist solely and forever to have cutouts of Mike and the 'bots placed before it and ridiculed for all time. I shall watch like an eagle for the Rifftrax for this one. In fact, I plan to send along a few riffs gratis.

Somewhere Dr. Forester smiles.

Sarkozy Who?

face palm Pictures, Images and Photos
Having managed to break every rule of protocol in insulting the British Prime Minister and then handing the Russians a sphincter-clinching "reset" button marked "overcharge", President Barack Hussein Obama tries for the hat trick and sends a letter to Jacques Chirac, the former
president of France, saying how much Mr. Obama looks forward to working with him in the future.

The Duke of Edinburgh must be giving this lad lessons.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Saturday, 21 March 2009

Friday, 20 March 2009

Wildlife


Proof positive that bears "get their groove on".

Terrafugia Transition

The Terrafugia Transition takes its first flight. It's still more of a roadable aircraft than a flying car, but it's further along than some of its ancestors.

Sad. So Very Sad.

Ahead Warp Factor... Oh, who am I kidding?

Thursday, 19 March 2009

If It isn't One Thing...

Okay, you guys, let me just get the microscope...I've got to adjust...Hang on...STOP SHOOTING FOR A SEC, YOU MORONS!

Swarovski Switch

Swarovski light switches: Just the thing for the sort of man who wears preposterous, useless watches on bracelets more suitable to Elizabeth Taylor circa 1963 and women who think that doorknobs make excellent rings.

Our hallmark: Useless expense fused with an utter lack of taste.

A Thing Of Beauty


It isn't often that one sees something that is so... Excuse me. *Clink, Pop, Whoosh, Gurgle, Gurgle, Gurgle*.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Not a Teasmade

Works automatically to greet you on awakening with coffee, orange juice, and a hot, toasted muffin.

Am I the only one trying to figure out how you clean the bloody thing?

Maybe, But I Wouldn't Try It

BBC headline:
Can eating Chinese staples ward off breast cancer?
OW...OW... OW!!!

Bring Out The Holy Hand Grenade!


Where Have I seen this before? Oh, yes:

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Ephemeral Isle.

And in honour of the day, here's a bit of Dave Allen:



Update: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!

Bye Bye, PI

The Seattle Post Intelligencer ceased publication today with only truncated online version of itself as a memorial–while it lasts, anyway.

I can't say that I'm too unhappy about this. It's always sad to see a newspaper go belly up and it does raise the question about how news reporting is going to carry on until it learns to adapt to the new technology, but the loss of a left-wing rag like the PI is no great loss. Newspaper bias is no sin. In fact, in Britain it's a sign of a healthy market of opinion. However, British papers must operate in actual competition. Cozy Labour papers must rub shoulders with Conservative papers who must contend with Liberal Democrat broadsheets and this keeps them all on their toes. In the United States, however, daily papers generally operate in a monopoly–or worse, a false duopoly with two so-called "competing" newspapers sharing plants, facilities and world views. In Seattle, this boiled down to the newspaper business dividing between the leftist Seattle Times and the raving leftist Seattle PI. We will pass over the paper for aging Troskyites, the Seattle Weekly, and the sexually incontinent Stranger with more quiet dignity than they deserve. This sort of bias is tolerable if the papers concerned remain open about their bias, but when, as the PI did, the bias is marketed as the only reasonable and "moderate" view this becomes unacceptable. When the paper in question is published in a city and state run by a political machine with whom the paper is ideological hand in party glove and willing soften the pedal and turn the blind eye, then it becomes a disservice.

It's also an appalling business model. As one commentator pointed out, it's like a burger bar refusing to offer cheeseburgers to the half of the market that is clamouring for them because the manager doesn't like cheeseburgers and he thinks that people who eat cheeseburgers are beneath contempt. In the Seattle PI's case, they refused to sell cheeseburgers and now their burger bar has been reduced to those little wheelie carts that you see in the West End after the pubs close.

Trouble is, there are a heck of a lot of those carts out there, as the online PI will soon learn. As for myself, I'm truly going to miss the Letters to the Editor page. Browsing through it was to be transported into a strange, parallel world where it is always a tie-dyed 1968.

Motoring '70s Style

James May discusses the perfect gift for the ladies: a 1971 Triumph 2000 Mk II.

I quite like the money quote:
I decided it was time to buy her indoors her own car, so she could get out more. By buying her a Seventies Triumph I would ensure she never got too far.
Forward planning. You can't beat it.

HRP-4C


The world's first "fashion model" robot.

What she lacks in a figure she makes up for with her devastating killbot moves for her hunt for Sarah Connor.

Sci Fi Channel: 1992-2009

The Sci Fi Channel has finally dropped any pretence of having anything to do with science fiction and is officially changing its name to "Syfy".

None of this is surprising, since the channel has been on a long, slow descent into indistinguishability for over half a decade. In it's heyday, the Sci Fi Channel was an oasis for those who enjoyed science fiction–especially the classic variety and whether it was locally available was the deal breaker in my deciding which part of town I'd live in. Then came the inevitable slide with the science fiction content being replaced by horror, shlock Z "original" productions notable for basement budgets and hideous acting, pseudo "reality" programming, wrestling (wrestling?!?) and films that included such hardcore sci fi as Apollo 13 and Braveheart. What little science fiction remained was relegated to soap operas (*cough* Galactica *cough*) openly targeted at a female demographic by producers who apologised for the science fiction looking like science fiction. After that, I only tuned in fleetingly out of morbid curiousity.

No funeral announcements have been made because no one expects any mourners.

Monday, 16 March 2009

Oneupsmanship


Apocryphal, but still funny as hell.

Drugs, Child Abuse, The Holocaust & Elmo

Breach of the Peace

The ever-innovative Dutch have created a bus shelter that displays your weight for all to see.

It's lucky they didn't have these when we went on our honeymoon to Amsterdam. What my wife would have done to the things with the nearest blunt object doesn't bear thinking about.

I Shall Be Exalted Among The Heathen

The United States may have achieved the Millennium, but the Americans must be tolerant and remember that other countries still live in Pre-Obama darkness.

Sunday, 15 March 2009

The Green Lama


The Green Lama: World's greatest Buddhist superhero!

Saturday, 14 March 2009

The Unknown World


As opposed to The World That We Weren't Really Paying Attention To At The Time.

Friday, 13 March 2009

French Tank: Six gears, All Reverse

France is rejoining NATO and the Daily Mail reminds us of what we've been missing all these years.

Au Votre Sante

If you're in Paris this weekend (and who isn't? I have no idea what that means, but it sounded cool) They're uncorking a bottle of Perrier-Jou√ęt Vintage 1825; the oldest drinkable champagne in the world that is so rare that the monetary value cannot be calculated.

In other words, you really don't want to take a bottle of this to a party and see it vanish into a punchbowl full of sangria.

Type 45 Troubles

The Royal Navy's Type 45 destroyer; the most advanced warship in the world–at least, it would be, if the MoD bothered to put any bloody missiles on it!

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Another Nail

After 315 years of sanity, women join the ranks of Chelsea Pensioners.

They're even designing an official handbag.

God help us all.

Lexcorp

Foreseen Consequences

Closing Guantanamo: What's the worst that can happen?

Sixty times.

So Far.

Tmsuk T-52 Enryu

What I want for my birthday: Two of these.

With flamethrowers.

Freeman Lowell, Call Your Service


MIT invents a robot gardener.

Weeds, waters, cultivates, hunts for Sarah Connor.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Tramontana R-Editon

Spain: Where car designers are barking mad.

A Different World

The Religion of Peace at work. From The Telegraph:
A group of around 20 men in traditional Islamic dress held up banners and placards that read: "Anglian Soldiers Butchers of Basra", "Anglian Soldiers Criminals, Murderers Terrorists" and "Baby killers".
It didn't last long, though:



The initial shoving was definitely out of line, but its good to see this sort of bigotry against our soldiers given the bird. Freedom of speech is not freedom from shaming.

Future Protected Vehicle


Britain's high-tech battle wagons of the future.

If the MoD gets a realistic budget, that is.

The Atomic Invader


Butterflies...of DEATH!

And thanks, Earthlings, for helping us out and overlooking all those men we killed at the nuclear plant and all.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Gov. Breck, Call Your Service


Swedish scientists discover that chimpanzees can get really cheesed off.

Unobservant Inventors Department

Only seventy years late, Daniel Milchtein unveils the catering van!

Putting Things In Perspective

From Gulfnews.com:
The deterioration of poetry is just as dangerous a phenomenon as global warming, a researcher claimed on the fourth day of the Dubai International Poetry Festival (DIPF) on Saturday.
No argument there; no argument at all.

Audi Hover Shark

Yes, it's very cool looking, but I prefer my concept cars to not violate the laws of physics, thank you.

When Engineers Have Pets


That's a lot of work to get out of playing "fetch".

Monday, 9 March 2009

Don't Go Into The Kitchen!

Headline from The Times:
Butchers urged to sell meat from rare British sheep
Lamb Amirstan, anyone?

Britain Faces Clown Shortage

So long as the House of Commons stands, this isn't possible.

Couldn't Happen to a Nicer Person

Headline from The Times:
George Galloway stoned in Egypt
Yeah, we once scored some righteous 'shrooms there and were totally baked for a week, man.

Desperation

Sure sign of a copywriter at the end of his tether: "It's a mouthwash and an antiseptic and... And... Aftershave... That's it.... Aftershave...And a floor wax...And a dessert topping... God, my head's going to explode! It's a pain killer... And a cleanser..."