Mine is being delivered on Friday.
Thursday, 31 August 2006
The boys at Room 101 were unavailable for comment.
Stand by as the Security Council shows its wrath by forwarding a motion to discuss considering a task force to study the feasibility of proposing that a committee be formed to draught a resolution to debate the merits of outlining the foundations of a consensus to agree in principle to a non-binding resolution of intent to provisionally censor Iran.
The mullahs will be trembling in their boots.
Wednesday, 30 August 2006
Dying for a bit of designer elegance tinged with eco-friendly smugness? Then for $3500 you can enjoy (if that's the word for it) the Cocoon; a chic new coffin by Andreas Spiegel that not only sports elegant lines and handles so inconveniently placed that your pall bearers will curse your name forever, but it is also made out of soy-based resins so that it will decompose in about fifteen years.
What a wonder of modern mortuary science! A century of progress and they've re-invented the pine box.
Tuesday, 29 August 2006
Though the idea has garnered some positive feedback, Celia Stevenson, a spokeswoman for Scottish Screen, is having nothing to do with it,
We would be very happy to talk to Mr Gudgin about his views but smoking on screen can encourage people to smoke and we do not want to do that.Judging from the state of current cinema, this observation does not apply to portrayals of promiscuity, violence, political radicalism, coarse manners, sexual deviancy or bad acting.
Also, apparently Edinburgh has "smoking enforcement officers." Good to know that all those burglaries, violent crimes, drug dealing, illegal immigration and terrorism have finally been brought under control so that the local government can free up manpower for hunting down the real enemies of society.
Monday, 28 August 2006
Quick, somebody buy a wreath. Last week marked the passing of multiculturalism as official government doctrine. No longer will opponents of this corrosive and divisive creed be silenced simply by the massed Pavlovian ovine accusation: “Racist!” Better still, the very people who foisted multiculturalism upon the country are the ones who have decided that it has now outlived its usefulness — that is, the political left.
Multiculturalism insisted that communities always changed, were in a permanent state of flux and that if you were white and lived in Oldham or Burnley or Tower Hamlets then you had better get used to the idea quickly.
This was a doublethink because the same latitude was not extended to the host population; while it was accepted that immigrants would naturally wish to band together and preserve their cultural identity, when the white working-class communities made similar protestations, this was regarded, once again, as evidence of an antediluvian racism. Your fish and chip shop is now a halal butcher? Your daughter’s school now has a majority of Urdu-speaking children? Good! Celebrate the change! Get over it.
One assumes that (Ruth) Kelly would still be telling the white working class to get over it were it not for the BNP’s inroads into the Labour vote (where they have candidates who can read without moving their lips over every word) and, of course, the presence within our midst of people who are possessed of such a loathing of our culture, of our very existence, that they wish to kill us all.
From the BBC:
Four firefighters have appeared before a disciplinary hearing over their refusal to hand out leaflets at a gay pride march in Glasgow.
These chaps are lucky they're only facing a disciplinary hearing for refusing to attend a political march and not a visit from the police as other perpetrators of thoughtcrime have.
All Outer Pary members are reminded that the Revolution will always be in danger so long as free men are allowed to follow their conscience rather than the Party line.
Sunday, 27 August 2006
Playwright Harold Pinter revealed yesterday that he has given up writing altogether.Rejoice! A great weight has been lifted from the world. A new era dawns upon us. To quote Groucho Marx:
Let joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons and necking in the parlor.
Half a million household wheelie bins have been secretly tagged with hidden electronic 'bugs', it has been reported.In other news, all citizens, starting with Outer Party members, can expect to receive their telescreens shortly and the anti-sex leaqgue is accepting new memberships. Remember our boys on the Malabar front.
The tiny devices identify each bin so that records can be kept on the waste disposal habits of its owners, and up to 500,000 bins in council districts across England are thought to have already been fitted.
Friday, 25 August 2006
Stock up on the bottled water and barricade the doors. Things are getting ugly over the question of whether or not Pluto is a planet as some astronomers claim the 9th planet was ousted from the roll of honour by a revolt of outraged dynamicists. According to Harvard emeritus professor Owen Gingerich,
In our initial proposal we took the definition of a planet that the planetary geologists would like. The dynamicists felt terribly insulted that we had not consulted with them to get their views. Somehow, there were enough of them to raise a big hue and cry.Security forces are on high alert as Sir Patrick Moore pleads for calm and a bacon sandwich.
Thursday, 24 August 2006
Wednesday, 23 August 2006
Some of the 'health and safety' stories are just myths. There are also some instances where health and safety is used as an excuse to justify unpopular decisions. But behind many of the stories there is at least a grain of truth - someone really has made a stupid decision.More and faster, please.
We're determined to tackle all three. My message is that if you're using health and safety to stop everyday activities - get a life and let others get on with theirs.
Tuesday, 22 August 2006
Scotland has banned smoking, swords and now they're trying to outlaw buying a round in the pub.
All that damn liberty; always getting in the way.
Italy, which is expected to lead a U.N. peacekeeping force in Lebanon, said on Tuesday it would provide 2,000 to 3,000 troops for the force provided Israel did not violate the U.N.-brokered truce.Makes sense. After all, if you can't trust a genocidal Jihadi terrorist who uses his own people for human shields, who can you trust?
Foreign Minister Massimo D'Alema said in an interview with the newspaper La Repubblica, that Italy would be unable to send any troops to Lebanon if Israel "keeps shooting."
"From Israel, we expect a renewed effort, this time truly binding, to respect the ceasefire," D'Alema said. "It's fair to expect that Hizbollah put down their weapons, but we cannot send our troops to Lebanon if the (Israeli) army keeps shooting."
Mind you, it's still early evening in Iran as I write this, so I'm not going to breathe easy for a few hours yet.
Monday, 21 August 2006
We wanted to be different. This is one name that will stay in people's minds,It's a name that will stay all right-- look how well the Cafe Ptomaine did.
If you want to have good relations with the Iranian people in the future, you should acknowledge the right and the might of the Iranian people, and you should bow and surrender to the might of the Iranian people. If you do not accept this, the Iranian people will force you to bow and surrender.Iran has said that it will give its answer to the world about halting its nuclear programme on the 22nd of August-- a day in Shiite mythology associated with the coming apocalypse. When a nut job like Ahmadinejad gases on about forcing us to "bow and surrender," I begin to worry that his answer might be more than some ill-chosen words.
Always wanted to play the violin, but can't stand the idea of all those years of caterwauling and cat-scratching as you practice day and night before you produce anything that even remotely resembles a tune? Got $17,500? Then you can finally cut out the middleman and buy this fiddle that plays itself.
Sunday, 20 August 2006
Shocking -- who'd have thought that putting signs everywhere telling you that you were in danger of terrorists and that terrorists were everywhere and that you should look out for suspicious terrorism behavior would turn normal people into witch-hunting racist mobs?Meanwhile, the ever-perceptive Glenn Reynolds had his own take:
The two guys were likely entirely innocent, and didn't deserve this, but this is the kind of thing that happens when people don't trust the authorities to protect them. Over time, I fear that excessive political correctness on the part of governments will breed the reverse elsewhere.In this war, many governments in the West are forgetting that their first duty is to protect the well-being of their citizens. If the people lose confidence in the willingness of their elected representatives to do this, the government shouldn't be surprised if the people refuse to offer their necks to the knives. Meanwhile, the left should remember that a healthy suspicion of a possible threat is streets away form a "witch-hunting racist mob."
Saturday, 19 August 2006
The population of China is six times as much as that of the United States. So, it’s time for Americans to shut up and keep quiet. They will be better off like this.Okay. Now watch the Pentagon's budget double.
Friday, 18 August 2006
Five archaeologists sheltering in a temporary canteen were picked up and thrown through the air by a freak tornado.For some reason, this always seems to be happening. If isn't tornadoes, it's being fed to crocodiles. If it isn't having your face melt, it's being strangled by mummies.
Thursday, 17 August 2006
It was evil, evil looking. And it had a horrible stench I will never forget. We locked eyes for a few seconds and then it took off. I've lived in Maine my whole life and I've never seen anything like it.My thought is that if this beast suddenly changes into Lon Chaney Jr, then I'm getting as many silver bullets as I can lay my hands on.
The micro compact home [m-ch] is a lightweight compact dwelling for one or two people. Its compact dimensions of 2.6m cube adapt it to a variety of sites and circumstances, and its functioning spaces of sleeping, working / dining, cooking and hygiene make it suitable for everyday use.No matter how you dress it up, it's still a cube that's less than nine feet on a side. I've seen cupboards smaller than that.
Informed by aviation and automotive design and manufactured at the micro compact home production centre in Austria, the m-ch can be delivered throughout Europe with project individual graphics and interior finishes.
Update: Smaller. Well, there goes the joke.
Wednesday, 16 August 2006
This may herald a remarkable new era in aerial warfare, but somehow Biggles in his jammies conducting a dogfight a thousand miles from the scene seems less than inspiring.
Astronomers are considering a new definition of the word "planet" that will boost the number in the Solar System to twelve as Ceres, Pluto's moon Charon and an obscure little body called 2003 UB313 join the club.
In related news, property values on Ceres have just doubled.
Batman and Superman have been brought up on a drink driving charge in Scotland. According to the Scotsman,
Batman, a provisional driving licence-holder, was found to be over the drink-drive limit. Superman, who held a full driving licence, was also breath-tested and found to be the same. Both men have now been charged.I don't know if I'm more surprised by the arrest or for discovering that the man behind the wheel of the batmobile only has a provisional licence.
Curtis? Four Weddings and a Funeral Curtis? That's the one. It seems like a weird choice, but maybe the Curtis touch will revive the series. Lots of flowers, relentless yet snobbish egalitarianism, MI6 headquarters in Notting Hill, Hugh Grant as Bond, Simon Callow as M, Colin Firth as Q and a plot that revolves around Jim Broadbent throwing a spanner into Moneypenny's love life.
Bond's Diary: 1 January: 13 stone, alcohol units 12, cigarettes 15, bullets 8, dead supervillains 1 V. G.
Tuesday, 15 August 2006
The ban on swords in Scotland got a bit weirder as police released CCTV footage of a gang fight that included at least one "samurai" sword as justification for the new law.
And it isn't just swords that get the draconian treatment. According to the Daily Record,
Shops will have to take the names and addresses of customers buying hunting knives, meat cleavers and other non-domestic blades. Unlicensed retailers caught selling knives will face jail.At this rate, it won't be long before Scotsmen will be required to take their dinner plates to officially sanctioned centres to have their food cut for them. Did it ever occur to the government in their "think pods" that the wiser alternative might not be to arrest the criminals instead?
English: Cyclists DismountSo what? It's just that llid y bledren dymchwelyd translates into English as "bladder disease has returned."
Welsh: Llid y Bledren Dymchwelyd
The Welsh Road Works Department has said that it is welcoming applications from anyone interested in the position of translator.
It may be only August, but it's never too early to plan for those long winter nights. So, how to fill those boring evenings when there's nothing on the box? Why not build your very own X-ray machine! Amaze your friends! Astound your family! Never wonder again what a radiation burn feels like!
Tip o' the hat to Make.
It's a remarkable comment on a civilisation that sees hard-won abundance as a problem, whereas if this had occurred a hundred years ago when famine was still a prospect in even the wealthiest of nations, there would have been dancing in the streets.
You will notice the neither Ephemeral Isle nor our sister sites got a look in. It's who you know, I tell you.
Update: Still, this one is pretty neat.
Monday, 14 August 2006
Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
We are today before a strategic, historic victory, without exaggeration.Much as it pains me to admit it, he's probably right.
"There's an east wind coming, Watson."
"I think not, Holmes. It is very warm."
"Good old Watson! You are the one fixed point in a changing age. There's an east wind coming all the same, such a wind as never blew on England yet. It will be cold and bitter, Watson, and a good many of us may wither before its blast. But it's God's own wind none the less, and a cleaner, better, stronger land will lie in the sunshine when the storm has cleared."
As near as I can gather, this is basically a plastic drum that you fill with composting fodder that is then turned by solar-powered rotors to make sure everything stays properly mixed.
I'll grant that this thing looks a lot more pleasant than pitchforking a great stack of steaming compost, though the motor seems a bit pointless, since you can always just roll the drum by hand. The real drawback, however, is that the drum only holds five gallons, so unless you're gardening runs basically to window boxes, you're going to have something lacking in capacity.
We humbly suggest that the proper response to those Muslims who are offended is, "learn to accept disappointment" and that the Passport Office be sternly reminded which country they serve.
Welcome to modern Britain.
Having spent so much time outdoors and being a complete paranoid, putting together survival kits is something of a hobby of mine, so when this article from Field and Stream hit my RSS feed I figured it was worth a look. It's not a bad selection of gear, though I wouldn't advise trying to conquer the Canadian wilderness with it, but since it can all be packed into an altoid tin that you can slip into your pocket, there's no excuse for leaving it behind on those "short" hikes that end up lasting a couple of days because you wandered off the trail.
For me, this isn't so much a happy tale of progress as a demonstration about how the road to the future is paved with maddening cracks. I'm reading about little timber towns in the Wenatchee National Forest who have blindingly-fast connections, yet I live just outside of Redmond, Washington, the centre of the Microsoft octopus, and I'm stuck with a 56k dial-up service that is only slightly faster than sending data packets by carrier pigeon.
No wonder I burn with a hard, gem-like flame.
Okay, this may not seem like something of interest to a wide audience, but my four-year old daughter has asthma and every time she has a runny nose it's a coin flip as to whether or not we're going to end up in the casualty ward, so I figured I'd share this ray of sunshine with any other parents whose children have a stay in hospital at least twice a year.
Okay, so build two new nuclear power plants. We're not talking the Gordian knot here, guys.
Sunday, 13 August 2006
If the child welfare services have not taken that child into care, then the entire agency should be disbanded as useless beyond belief.
I'm not going to question the motives of anyone who has signed this letter. But I think it is a dreadful misjudgement if we believe the foreign policy of this country should be shaped in part, or in whole, under the threat of terrorist activity if we do not have a foreign policy with which the terrorists happen to agree.Maybe daylight is finally beginning to break through.
The new series hasn't jumped the shark, but if this is true, then it has certainly taken a couple of warm-up laps.
Saturday, 12 August 2006
Prime Minister, As British Muslims we urge you to do more to fight against all those who target civilians with violence, whenever and wherever that happens.Safer as in paying off the protection racket keeps your shop from being done over. Stripped of all the blandishments and vagaries this boils down to "Surrender and do as your new masters command and the crocodile will eat you last."
It is our view that current British government policy risks putting civilians at increased risk both in the UK and abroad.
To combat terror the government has focused extensively on domestic legislation. While some of this will have an impact, the government must not ignore the role of its foreign policy.
The debacle of Iraq and now the failure to do more to secure an immediate end to the attacks on civilians in the Middle East not only increases the risk to ordinary people in that region, it is also ammunition to extremists who threaten us all.
Attacking civilians is never justified. This message is a global one. We urge the Prime Minister to redouble his efforts to tackle terror and extremism and change our foreign policy to show the world that we value the lives of civilians wherever they live and whatever their religion.
Such a move would make us all safer.
Moderate Muslims must learn that if they are to be trusted their first and only duty in this war is to prove their loyalty by literally fighting the Jihadists and not by making demands, whinging and calliing for appeasement.
Friday, 11 August 2006
There is no room left for the blind politically correct procedures that ignore this reality — our enemy is nearly always a young to middle-aged man from a Muslim nation or culture, and it is madness not to focus mainly on those who most readily match the known profile.
Terror suspect Waheed Zaman met controversial MP George Galloway many times, his sister said last night.Why am I not surprised.
Safeena, 24, said of her 23-year-old brother: “He saw it as his duty to stand up for his community and that’s what led him to know George Galloway. He has a lot of respect for him and has met him many times.”
We have an attempt to down ten planes and murder thousands of people, a massive international conspiracy, probable Al Qaeda involvement, home-grown terrorists in prison, more running loose eager to have another go and a Muslim community that still doesn't get it. Now can we stop pretending that this is a police matter, put Britain on a war footing, demand the demonstrated loyalty of the Muslim "community," treat the foreign terrorists as enemy combatants and prosecute the home-grown curs as traitors?
Or is continuing to treat every law-abiding Briton as a potential terrorist still acceptable?
You can't parody this sort of insanity.
God, times have changed. I remember when if you ordered a cup of coffee in a pub you'd either get a blank stare or, at best, some fizzy Nescafe horror that just layed their and curdled. Now things are going so far in the other direction that if they allowed smoking in pubs again the place would suddenly be filled with disaffected French would-be intellectuals going on about Sartre before you could say "knife."
We simply don't want to see any kind of backlash unleashed against ordinary Muslims because of what has happened.I swear they must have a macro for generating boilerplate like that. Not that it matters, because according to the Archbishop of York the problem isn't Islam, but alienation.
Most of them are doing it because they are alienated, because they have been given a vision which is so imaginatively wicked that they believe we can build a better world than actually exists.But don't for one moment imagine that this in anyway involves Jihad against the kufar, extirpating heretic Muslims, a yearning to expand the umma, impose sharia or establish the New Caliphate. That's just window dressing.
Update: American Muslim groups look to be in full cry-baby mode as well.
Thursday, 10 August 2006
Not that Mr. Chavez is telling porkies. When your body temperature can be best described as "ambient," it certainly is a great battle.
Highlighting new airline security measures, Harry Houdini models the new passenger seating arrangement and air stewards uniforms.
Mandatory sedation for all travellers is still being considered, though any form of "profiling" has been rejected as Politically Incorrect and an affront to human liberty.
The BBC, with its usual hard-hitting, take-no-prisoners-as long-as-long-as-it-uncovers-the-truth journalism once again displays an incredible lack of curiosity as to who the terrorists are and what they're motives might be. Though "links to Pakistan" are mentioned and that before the raids police contacted unspecified "community leaders," the Beeb seems to be uninterested in what might be a teeny little fact that might be of some relevance to this case.
It's a two-syllable word beginning with "M."
Update: According to reports, the terrorists were ready to implement their plans and were intending to use a "liquid explosive." As a result, all gels and liquids (indeed, almost all carry-on items) have been banned from British flights and news agencies report that the Americans may be imposing a similar ban.
Wednesday, 9 August 2006
"Where am I?"
"In the Village."
"What do you want?"
"Whose side are you on?"
"That would be telling.... We want information. Information. INFORMATION."
"You won't get it."
"By hook or by crook, we will."
"Who are you?"
"The new Number 2."
"Who is Number 1?"
"You are Number 6."
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"
(Laughter from Number 2.)
I have a special message to the Arabs of Haifa, to your martyrs and to your wounded. I call on you to leave this city. I hope you do this. … Please leave so we don't shed your blood, which is our blood.As for the Jews and Christians, just sit there so we can get a bead on you. Have a nice day.
It had to happen sooner or later. From A&A Products of Hong Kong comes a breathalyzer mounted inside a wristwatch. No more tedious waiting for the police to pull you over; just bend your arm and blow.
I think I can see what they were going for, but if you're the sort of person that needs a alcohol sensor strapped to your wrist, then it's time to cut down a little.
Both East and the West are facing the grim prospect of declining birth rates and an aging population. Europe has placed its bets on handling the situation with mass immigration of unskilled Muslims while Japan is pinning its hopes on building a new generation of robots to not only run the factories, but also care for the elderly.
Both these plans have their massive downsides and neither is a substitute for the good old-fashioned solution of having babies, but based on what's been happening in such bastions of multiculturalism as Scandinavia, my money is on Japan.